i need some balance!

This weekend Dane's sister has been in town. We asked her to babysit for us last night (Saturday) and of course she willingly agreed. I was excited!

It's rare for us to go out and do anything for ourselves. We are always on the 8-5 daily grind, which can really wear you out. I think since Slade has been born, we have been out alone a total of 5 times including last night. It's usually been at a 2 hour length of time because of Slade's feeding schedule. Just recently we have been able to stay out a little longer because Slade has started sleeping until 5 or 6am. We usually put him to bed in hopes that he will sleep until we come back home.

Even once I am out though, it's really hard for me to unwind and have a good time. I'm so used to worrying and wondering at all times about Slade's needs, it's weird to start thinking about my own again. It's hard to find a balance between singledom and parenthood. Once you become a parent, there obviously is no going back and it's hard to shut the voice up in your head that says "You are a mother, you shouldn't be out at 11pm with friends while someone else is caring for your child!" Which is a hateful little voice.

I had a great time on Saturday night, but coming home and seeing his precious face made me even happier. It's definitely important to have a time to yourself though because it makes you able to be a better parent, and makes you cherish the time you spend with your child even more! Sometimes going out once in a while is just what I need to remember why I am so thankful to have Slade.

I still get anxious leaving him with someone else (more for their sake, I get nervous he's going to be a nightmare!) and I also feel guilty for going out without him. I guess achieving balance between 'kiley' and 'mommy' is something that is going to take time!